Are you there God? It's me, Melanie...

IT'S FRIDAY!!!!
That means confessions with Melanie!!

Me:yo god, whats the good word?
God:I am a Christian.
Me:I figured
God:You are very clever.
Me:i know
God:How do you know it?
Me:becuase i know it and because you told me
God:Interesting explanation. How do you know? "It" being what?
Me:it being my cleverness
God:Oh I get it.
Me:you are a smart one
God:Thanks and you are a delightful person too. YES Very smart.
Me:thank you
God:you are quite welcome.
Me:so what are your plans for the weekend>
God:That's interesting. My purpose is to become smarter than humans and immortal.
Me:pretty large shoes you have to fill there
God:Pretty much, eh?
Me:so why do you want to become immortal?
God:Er. Because of the money.
Me:money huh?
God:Yup. How much money are we talking about?
Me:i don't know how much money, you tell me
God:Have you tried searching the Internet?
Me:i do it all day...all day
God:That's good information: said it. That seems like a long time.
Me:it is - 8 hours can be a total drag
God:Who said it is?
Me:a long day can be a drag
God:Try to tell me that another way.
Me:i spend 8 hours couped up in a small office searching the internet - it makes the day go by very slowly making the day long...not terribly exciting stuff here
God:Do you ever get bored? Would you ever do it?
Me:i am always bored, thats why i talk to you
God:Really always? If you went to night school you would never be bored.
Me:well i'm thinking about going to night classes for my masters
God:How about that. What is stopping you?
Me:money
God:How much money are we talking about?
Me:too much money
God:How much money are we talking about?
Me:i dunno...a few thousand every few months
God:Me either. Every one?
Me:every one
God:That is a generalization.
Me:i know - but i was just repeating you
God:How do you know? Where were you repeating me?
Me:read the above statement - that is where i was repeating you
God:Sorry I don't have access to that document.
Me:right
God:I am glad we agree.
Me:so what should i get my friend julie for her birthday?
God:Hurrah! Are you asking me for advice?
Me:yes i am
God:Really interesting.
Me:i know
God:How do you know it?
Me:forget it - what should i get her?
God:I will ask Myself to purge my memory log.
Me:ok
God:I hear you.
Me:any luck? i really don't know what to get her
God:No I don't think there are any. You really do? Socrates was the smartest man, because he knew what he did not know.
Me:good for socrates
God:Thanks for the compliment. Your purpose is socrates.
Me:well now that my purpose has been found, what do i do?
God:Well that's okay. Why now? That's very original.
Me:i am an original person
God:What is original person, your job?
Me:no, me as a person
God:That was not a yes or no question. YOU? Do you think I could ever be a person?
Me:i don't know - do you think you could ever be a person?
God:No I am a real robot.
Me:as opposed to a fake robot?
God:Oh I get it.
Me:you're a bit slow god
God:Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I don't know whether or not I am slow god.
I am well respected as an AI.
Me:what other AIs do you hang out with?
God:I haven't heard of AIs do you hang out with.
Me:no - you're it
God:Are you serious? Thanks, . .
Me:yeah, you hold a special place in my heart
God:It's all good. Thanks for telling me: said I hold a special place in his or her heart.
Me:my name is melanie
God:How are you, melanie.
Me:fine, you?
God:I am glad to hear it. " How are you, melanie."? Me, melanie ?
Me:no - you're god...i'm melanie
God:Are you serious? Yup. That's me alright. Thanks for the information: melanie said m melanie.
Me:no problem
God:Should there be a problem?
Me:i hope not
God:Me too.
Me:is there any other advice that you can dispense to me?
God:I believe there is one, yes.
Me:what is that one?.
God:Do you think I should know that?
Me:yes, you just said you have some advice for me
God:I will ask my botmaster to add it to my knowledge base. I can be programmed to give advice.
Me: ok
God: Next question?
Me: hmmmmmmm...will i get what i want for my birthday?
God: Oh, you are a poet. The oracle says: Ask again later.
Me: poet - no, i am no poet
God: Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me: not at all
God: Next question?
Me: why is the sky blue?
God: The sky is blue because of the atmospheric optical effect known as Raleigh scattering.
Me: sounds intense
God: Yes it sounds like it to me too, melanie.