Tim and I have been dating awhile. If you're an avid reader over here you should know that by now. Seriously a long time.
This Christmas will be our 7th together. However in all of those years, last Christmas was the only one that we actually spent the day together. Unfortunately most of the day was spent in the car driving from NYC to Worcester. Which I guess you can still count as together. But to me it just wasn't what I wanted. It didn't feel like the holiday.
Last year was the first time we compromised on how we would spend the holidays.
We drove to Brooklyn early Christmas Eve morning, and got there in time for a late breakfast. The day was spent driving around Long Island from one cousins house to another. Filled with food and presents and fun. I of course loved every minute of the whole day. Even though I was exhausted.
Christmas morning we spent a couple of hours with my mom and sister in Brooklyn. Opening gifts and having bagels. Then we got on the road and headed to Tim's family in Worcester for a late dinner. Which was perfectly wonderful. But by the time we got there everyone else was already done eating and doing other things. I hated being there so late. Like we had missed something.
I think that what I didn't like most about the arrangement was not seeing my grandmother on Christmas. Sure I had spent the whole day with her on Christmas Eve. But I had never gone a Christmas without seeing her or the rest of my family.
A few weeks ago I vowed that I wouldn't miss another Christmas in New York.
Is that selfish?
I'm pretty sure I know the answer already.
But really, am I being ridiculous?
We had to wait to get Tim's schedule for the next few weeks before we could figure out logistically what we were doing for the holiday. Luckily he's off the 24th- 26th. So we have a little bit of wiggle room to work with.
What I really want is for him to come down with me for Christmas Eve, stay through Christmas Day and then we'll drive home on the 26th sometime. We'll see relatives of mine that I haven't seen in a year. We'll have my Uncle Paul's amazing lobster spread on the eve and we'll go to Carmines in the city for a nice big dinner with my family on Christmas Day.
But it's not that easy.
Tim wants to do what we did last year.
See problem above.
Naturally because I am who I am when he told me that he wants to spend the holiday with his family, I got upset and perhaps a little angry. Which was not the best way to deal with it, but I don't know. I am more upset at the fact that who knows if we will ever be able to come up with any sort of compromise in the future.
And now I am sitting here at work with not much going on.
Waiting for this monster snow storm that's supposed to hit us in a few hours.
Thinking about what type of monster selfish girlfriend I am.
12.19.2008
Ho ho holidays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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9 comments:
i don't think you're selfish, it's hard to work out he holiday situation when there are so many places to be. this year matt and i are splitting it up and meeting at different places, it may be a little chaotic, but at least we'll be together and we'll both get to see our families. and that's what matters most i think.
hope you guys figure it out, have a good weekend! :)
You're not. You did his plan last year - do your's this year.
I am happy that my family and Tim's family live far enough apart that a solution like your Tim's plan doesn't make sense for us. I'd hate to spend half of every holiday in the car.
Our compromise is that one year we spend Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his, then the next year we switch (Turkey with Tim's family, Santa with mine). It works out really well overall. (Though I do secretly look forward to whichever holiday we spend with my family more every year...I think that's only natural.)
I hope you and Tim can work out a good compromise!
(OMG totally unrelated, but my word verification is definitely "penile" and I am not even kidding. LMAO how very inappropriate. Am 12.)
That sucks. I know it sounds terrible, but every year I'm glad that Chris isn't super close with his family so we can spend the actual holidays with my family and see his whenever we get around to it.
My cousin and his wife have the same problem, so they trade off holidays every year- this year they were at her parent's for T-day and up here for Christmas, next year it will be the opposite. Neither of them love it, but at least it's a set schedule and they don't have to argue every year.
Your are absolutely NOT a monster. You did his plan and it was exhausting, stick with your plan and what's important to you. He's doing what's important to him. Sometimes these things blend and sometimes not. It's important your feelings get recognized as much as his.
i'm with ree...
that or break up and marry a jew and avoid this whole issue...that's what i did :o)
I think everyone else has already covered it. Whatever plan ends up working most in the end is what you should stick with year after year....however, last year's didn't seem to work.
And I understand about the missing dinner thing. One year, I couldn't get out of work early enough for my family's liking, so they ate without me and were finished with the meal by the time I arrived. It wasn't the same.
I so feel you pain. I told Mark that next year we're going on vacation over Christmas and anyone who wants to see us will have to go too. I can't even tell you the number of times I've cried this year because all of the obligations are just too much to take.
I hope everything worked out and that you guys had a great Christmas.
I'd be the same way. Yet, I would feel bad, but not do anything about it. It's Christmas. It should always be spent with family, and how you want to.
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