First We Kill The Architects

NY Times- Sept. 9, 2007
Danny Lyon

I have been asked to help design a city. I am flattered. In the past, this was the job of emperors and kings. Of course, today, things are a bit more complicated. Having benefited from a New York City public school education and 65 years of life, and with the peace of mind necessary for clear thought that I have now, living on my farms, where I raise my own vegetables and fish, I recommend the following.

1. First we kill the Architects.
2. Then we burn the malls. (Following Alexander's example, we spare the bookstores and movie theaters, as he spared Pindar's house and library when he burned Thebes).
3. Tax breaks and cash incentives for all small businesses willing to build on the ashes or set up shop in downtowns.
4. Bicycle use to be encouraged.
5. Only electric powered vehicles allowed. (Many cities in China have already banned motorcycles. Only electric ones are allowed).
6. Leave the World Trade Center excavation exactly as it is and use the space as a fresh water pond, planted with pink, white and yellow water lilies. Stock it with bass, sunnies, fat head minnows and turtles. Fishing for children under 12 only. (The fresh water can be piped in underground from Beckman's Swamp, which is buried under the streets just to the east). A small statue of Voltaire shall be installed there, too.
7. Ten percent of all city space shall be open land where you can "touch the dirt". If there is not enough room, we can demolish the banks and turn them into fields of native grasses and flowers. One- quarter of open space shall be for growing vegetables.
8. Pets allowed in all buildings.
9. Cell phone police with sashes embroidered "Cell phone police".
10. Tax incentives and cash awards up to $10, 000 for each person brought over from the Other Side. Any citizen who befriends a criminal prostitute or drug addict and/or pusher and through that friendship, example employment or encouragement makes that person into a useful and non predatory citizen, shall receive that amount. There is no limit on the number of people you can bring over from The Other Side, nor the amount you can earn in this socially beneficial program. Good Luck.
I read this in the NY Times this weekend and loved it.
Click the Link to see a larger picture.


What do you think?
If you were asked to design a city what would it look like?
What policies would you enforce?

You Very Very Bad Man.

Manny Ramirez Asks Red Sox If He Can Work From Home

BOSTON—Claiming that a relaxed atmosphere and a chance to create his own schedule would greatly benefit his productivity, Red Sox left-fielder Manny Ramirez has asked team officials if he can play the remainder of the season from the comfort of his own home. "My client just can't seem to focus in his current place of work," said Ramirez's agent Greg Genske, noting that Fenway Park's loud, boisterous atmosphere and high-stress, pressure-packed environment are "not ideal working conditions for anyone." "Manny seeks a work space where he doesn't have to constantly travel, can wear whatever he wants, and can work at his own pace. I assure you that he will be able to put up the same statistics he normally does while physically on a baseball diamond. Just give him until November or December." The Red Sox have tentatively agreed to allow Ramirez to telecommute, claiming that although their offense may suffer without him at the ballpark, their defense in a vacant left field may substantially improve.

Don't Say I Never Taught You Nuttin'

Tipping Tips From Experts
BY LORE CROGHAN
DAILY NEWS BUSINESS WRITER

It’s hard to know when and how much to tip.
From a customer’s point of view, tips are a reward for a job well done.But for service workers in the city’s low-wage jobs, tips make the difference between earning a living - or not. Some workers are counting on you to make their hours of standing on their feet, wiping your children’s noses, fixing a burst pipe or cleaning up your cuticles pay off.

But what is right?
The rules are more elaborate than you might think.

FOOD
- Restaurant service: The average restaurant tip in New York City is 18.8%, said restaurant-guide guru Tim Zagat. Leave 20% if you’re really happy with the service, 18% if the service was good and 15% if you’re unhappy, he advised. “Tip because you want to say ‘Thank you’ - reward good performance,” Zagat said. Even at modest coffee shops, where New Yorkers used to leave tiny tips for sit-down service, they’re now putting 15% to 20% on the table. “People have more money in their pockets - they’re feeling more generous,” he said.
- Drinks at a bar: 15% to 20%.
- The worker who makes your take-out salad or sandwich: Put money in the tip box only if you want to. “Do what you feel good about,” Zagat said.
-The Starbucks barista: Needs no tip - at least that’s what management said, ”We don’t expect our customers to pay anything extra to receive our legendary service,” Starbucks marketing manager Dan Lewis explained. The tip boxes at Starbucks registers are there “to avoid loose tips on tables and counters throughout the store,” he said.
- Pizza or other restaurant delivery: 10% - or 20% if you live on a high floor of a walk-up, said Joe Pasquale, the owner of Joe’s Pizza in Greenwich Village.
-Grocery delivery: $5 is fine, $10 is generous.”It depends on how heavy your stuff is, and how far it was carried,” Zagat said.

TRANSPORTATION
- Cab rides: 20%. “Taxi drivers depend on tip money to earn a living wage,” said Bhairavi Desai of the New York Taxi Workers Alliance.
- Parking-garage attendant: $1 or $2 if you park at the garage once in a while. If you have a monthly account, give the manager $20 to $25 each month to divide among employees - and for a Christmas-holiday tip, give each person $100, an industry source suggested.

BEAUTY SERVICES
- Hairdresser: 15% to 20%, whether it’s for color or a cut, for men’s or women’s hair, said Liz Russell, co-owner of the Jeffrey Stein Salon on Third Ave. And don’t forget - give the person who shampoos your hair $3 to $5.
- Manicures and pedicures: 20% is standard, said a staffer at Bliss, the SoHo spa.
- Leg or lip waxing: 20% is good for these as well, the Bliss staffer said.I

IN YOUR APARTMENT
- When the doorman unloads the car and carries luggage or shopping bags to your apartment: $5 or $10 is a nice gesture.”Building workers feel they’re well-paid, and they get holiday tips,” an industry source said. “But they appreciate the ‘Thank you.’”
- When the super does repairs in your apartment: Again, $5 to $10 is fine - or $20 if the repair project takes a long time.

IF YOU HAVE KIDS
- Baby-sitter: Not your full-time caregiver, but the person you hire for a night out or an emergency. One hour’s pay, or if the assignment was short, cab fare to get home.” The sitters are always happy with either one of these,” said Stephanie McComb, founder of a baby-sitting service called To the Rescue, Mom.
- Day-camp counselor: Tips range from $20 to $100 at camps that allow tipping. Some camps don’t.Wait until summer’s end - and be discreet - if you do tip, said Jon Libman of Camp Hillard in Scarsdale, where families from Manhattan, Brooklyn Heights and Riverdale send their kids.”The counselors work very hard - and take very good care of the children,” Libman said.
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Did anyone know they were supposed to "tip" their building super? I mean I thought it was his job to fix stuff in your apartment?

Anything else strike you as weird on this list? Or maybe too much?

When Life Gives You Lemons....

Just think... It could be worse. You could have one of these occupations:

20 Oddest Jobs

By Candace Corner, CareerBuilder.com writer

If you've ever daydreamed about finding a job that lets you play with legos, crack safes or ride around in the Weinermobile, you don't need to wake up, you just need to look in the right places.

In the United States, where a varied group of 9-to-5 professionals appear to dominate the working world, there is still room for unique employment. Nancy Rica Schiff's books, "Odd Jobs," and its sequel "Odder Jobs," showcase portraits of individuals across America with some of the most out-of-the-ordinary occupations. From dog food testers to odor judges, Schiff introduces readers to people and jobs existing beyond the usual classifieds.

Some of these jobs require additional educational training, natural talent or relocating to find the work, but if you're willing to do whatever it takes to avoid a more ordinary occupation, and don't mind steep competition, working in any one of these professions will provide a more interesting response the next time someone asks, "What do you do?"

Here are some of Schiff's Odd Jobs:

1. Coffin Maker
What they do: Build customized coffins, ranging from simple pine caskets to bejeweled boxes.

2. Potato Chip Inspector
What they do: Oversee potato chips on an assembly line and check for overcooked or clumped chips to discard.

3. Wax Figure Maker
What they do: Mold wax to create figures, often, but not limited to, the human form. Figures are often made in the likeness of people who have achieved historical or celebrity recognition.

4. Foot Model
What they do: Work as a "parts model," modeling their feet for advertisements that feature footwear, lotions and other related-products.

5. Golf Ball Diver
What they do: Search the depths of golf course bodies of water to find lost golf balls to refinish and resell.

6. Doll Doctor
What they do: Repair, repaint and reassemble doll parts to doctor-up dolls that have missing, broken or damaged parts.

7. Egg Inspector
What they do: Examine eggs for cracks and other irregularities before they are graded and stamped for approval.

8. Knife Thrower's Assistant
What they do: Act as human targets for the knife thrower, which can involve mastering feats such as being tied to a spinning wheel while having knives thrown within inches of their bodies, or having objects cut above their heads.

9. Foley Artist
What they do: Use random items and whatever else they can find to create and record the noises used to make the sounds effects in films, such as heavy footsteps, rolling thunder or creaking doors.

10. Solfeggist
What they do: Listen to recorded music and monitor notes in indistinguishable compositions.

11. Snow Researcher
What they do: Collect and analyze ice crystals in snow to study the effects of pollution on area snowfall.

12. Wig Maker
What they do: Create and fit hair pieces such as wigs, beards, mustaches and eyebrows for clients requesting hair for costume or personal needs.

13. Gross Stunt Producer
What they do: Create new ways to gross out contestants on television shows, using insects, animal products and other things considered that could be considered "gross" by society's standards.

14. Mermaid
What they do: Entertain crowds as an underwater performer.

15. Whiskey Ambassador
What they do: Drink and explain the proper ways to serve and savor various whiskeys.

16. Dog Food Tester
What they do: Taste and analyze dog food samples and write reviews on the results.

17. Bonfire Builder
What they do: Gather discarded wood from trash bins, beaches, construction scrap heaps and similar areas to expertly build bonfires.

18. Dice Inspector
What they do: Inspect dice used in casinos for lopsided angles, misspotting and other blemishes that could cause error when the dice are rolled for gambling purposes.

19. Ethnographer
What they do: Research and study single groups of human behavior through fieldwork, observing and questioning participants.

20. Gum Buster
What they do: Remove gum stuck to sidewalks, street benches and other unwanted areas by de-sticking the gum through a steaming process.

February 14, 2007

Sperm Donor Father Ends His Anonymity

By AMY HARMON

There is no established ritual for how an anonymous sperm donor should contact his genetic children. But for Jeffrey Harrison, Valentine’s Day seemed as good an occasion as any.

“It’s a short life,” he said, “and these children need to have some kind of resolution. I thought I could send a little valentine, kind of, to everyone, just saying hello.”

Mr. Harrison had been thinking about getting in touch since reading in an article in The New York Times 15 months ago that two teenagers whose mothers had used his sperm to conceive were looking for him. The headline, “Hello, I’m Your Sister, Our Father Is Donor 150,” made him choke on his coffee, said Mr. Harrison, who made $400 a month donating sperm under that number twice-weekly during the late 1980s.

But California Cryobank, the sperm bank that had promised anonymity to its customers and to Mr. Harrison, proved unresponsive to his repeated requests for assistance. Besides, he had misgivings. What if the girls were disappointed by his humble circumstances?

Once one of the sperm bank’s most-requested donors, with a profile that described him as 6 foot and blue-eyed with interests in philosophy, music and drama, Mr. Harrison, 50, lives with his four dogs in a recreational vehicle near the Venice section of Los Angeles.

“I make a meager living,” Mr. Harrison said, taking care of dogs and doing other odd jobs.

Still, he said he thought he could explain to the girls why he had taken an unconventional life-path. Their grandfather was an Ivy League educated retired financial executive, he would tell them; their grandmother was a former volunteer president for the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

Six weeks ago, Mr. Harrison logged on to the Donor Sibling Registry, the Web site devoted to facilitating connections between donor-conceived offspring, where the two girls, Danielle P. and JoEllen M. had initially found each other. Four more teenagers from his sperm samples had since surfaced, he saw on the logs.

How many could he handle, he wondered?

As Valentine’s Day approached, though, Mr. Harrison resolved to get in touch with them all.

Last Saturday night, Mr. Harrison e-mailed a picture of his birth certificate to Wendy Kramer, the founder of the sibling registry, to confirm his identity. Several dozen donors have contacted offspring on the registry, Ms. Kramer said, but none have been brave enough to come forward with such a large group of teenagers.

“You don’t know what to expect,” Ms. Kramer said. “How do we define this family, and what are we to each other?”

Danielle and JoEllen called Mr. Harrison together the next day. The moment that had preoccupied their fantasies for years began in a more prosaic fashion than they had anticipated. But they said they were not disappointed.

“The first thing he said was, ‘Holy moly,’ ” said Danielle, 17, who has spent several hours on the phone with Mr. Harrison in the last three days. “He’s sort of a free spirit, and I don’t care what career he has. I got to talk to his dogs.”

Mr. Harrison met a third daughter, Ryann M., in Los Angeles yesterday afternoon. His other newfound offspring, who live in Colorado, Florida, New York and Pennsylvania, are busy marveling over their shared love of animals and the distinctive forehead evident in the pictures he has e-mailed.

Source

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Philip: super weird

i think i'd rather not know who my father was than know that he was living out of his car on the beach in california after making 400 bucks a week by jacking off into a cup

me: well

when you put it that way

yep

Philip: what other way is there to put it?

the way the times put it

plus he looks creepy

me: yea

whats wrong with his hand

Philip: oh that's just too easy, julie!

me: i know

i set you up for it

Philip: "400 bucks a week from multiple visits to the sperm bank"

me: but you didnt take it

The Boston Monkey

Thank you Tarah!
Courtesy of this.

The History of Monkey

"The old Boston Garden arena was in operation from 1928 thru 1995, and was originally built as a boxing only venu. During it's 67 year history the Gahden (as pronounced by Bostonians) played host to many influential people such as then presidential hopefuls Dwight Eisenhower and John F. Kennedy, Stanley Cup hockey Champions Boston Bruins, basketball world champions Boston Celtics, boxing local hero Marvelous Marvin Haglar, along with musicians Elvis Presley, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Who, Led Zeppelin and Boston's own J.Geils Band and Aerosmith.

But none were more unusal or mysterious than the Boston Monkey. He rode into town with the circus for their annual week long visit and when the show packed up and headed out onto the next town the monkey decided to make the Boston Garden's his home. He soon took residence in the safe haven of the Garden's rafters. After the hockey games or rock& roll concerts he would come down from the rafters and feed on popcorn, peanuts or hot dogs and wash it down with some beer or soda that was left behind by the spectators. He was occasionally spotted by several Bruins and Celtics players during their pre-game warm up sessions and also by spectators seated way up in the 2nd and 3rd balconies.

It is believed that when the J. Geils Band made their last Garden appearance in late February 1981, during a three consecutive night sellout homecoming, the Boston Monkey had come down out of the rafters in the early hours of the AM to feed as usual and with the stage still set up for the following nights house party he searched out one of Magic Dick's harmonicas. If it's in you it's going to come out!

The Boston Monkey was also mentioned in several songs such as the Rolling Stones "Midnight Rambler", the J. Geils Bands' "Hard Drivin' Man" and Otis Reddings' "Boston Monkey".

The Garden closed its doors in 1995 and moved all operations next door to the new Fleetcenter. The Garden stood dormant for two more years as a result the food source was gone and the Boston Monkey perished. In the spring of 1997, as the Gardens being demolished brick by brick, the mummified body of the Boston Monkey was discovered wedged between the rafters and the roof. He was the Garden's best friend to the end."

And you know... I think that if the smell old place was still here, people would still go to it.
That's how fcuked up loyal Boston sports fans are.