I read the NYtimes Wedding Announcements.
Every week.
What?
It's not like I am fantasizing about getting married.
What?
I'm not!
Just because on Friday I posted a pretty diamond ring that I liked doesn't mean I have marraige on the brain.
Oh just shut up.
No matter what you think, they are really good for a laugh.
"It was then that I knew for sure that I would be changing my adoption paperwork from single to couple.”
"When the couple met online in April 2005, Ms. Israel was as concerned about where Mr. Silverstein lived (New Jersey) as he was about who she lived with (her two cats)".
“'I was 35, single again and in a bad mood, but decided I could at least put on some mascara and a less ratty T-shirt,' Ms. Kohns recalled. Off she roared downtown on her BMW".OK, That last one made me a little sick. But still funny (!!).
And of course, no NY Times Wedding Announcement wouldn't be complete without the resume of the betrothed.
"The bride’s father is a neurosurgeon at the Brain and Spine Center in Williamsville, N.Y., and he is the chief of neurosurgery at Mount Saint Mary’s Hospital in Lewiston".
"The bridegroom’s mother is a medical technologist in a chemistry laboratory at Winthrop-University Hospital in Mineola, N.Y. His father, a physiatrist, retired as the assistant chief of physical medicine and rehabilitation at the Veterans Affairs Medical Center in Chillicothe, Ohio".
"Her mother, who is retired, was a senior technology auditor for financial software at PepsiCo in Purchase, N.Y. The bride’s maternal grandfather, the late Tran Van Tuyen, was a vice premier of South Vietnam in 1965".
After reading a lot of these, I wonder what mine would look like.
Now let's use our imagination here:
Julie and Tim were finally married yesterday after a long 15 year courtship. They met during the summer of 2002, while volunteering at a camp for children with life threatening illnesses. She was working with the 6-8 year olds he with the 9-12's. After returning from a long nature walk in the 90 degree heat, she stopped to sit on a chair, using her bright yellow volunteer shirt as a resting place for all of the children's gathered pine cones. Tim walked past Julie and said, "Nice Cones" and that's how it began.
The bride 34, is newly appointed CEO of American Express and the principle owner of the NY Yankees, she bought out former own George Steinbrenner in late 2015. She is a graduate of Northeastern University and earned her MBA and Law Degrees at Stanford.
She is the daughter of Marie of Brooklyn, NY and Stuart of Staten Island, NY. Her mother, who is retired, was the director of the United State's Housing and Urban Development New York City Office. Her father a retired baseball umpire.
The bridegroom 36, is restaurateur and principle owner of the Voedsel Restaurant Group based out of Boston, with offices in New York, Washington D.C. and San Diego. He graduated from Wheelock College (Boston) and received his MBA from Boston College.
He is a son of Linda and Matthew of Worcester, MA. His mother is a retired coordinator of Fallon Medical Group. His father is the founder and artistic director of Pilgrim Soul Productions, based out of Worcester.
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I invite you all to leave your "wedding announcements" in the comments section.
7 comments:
Dude. My tombstone will read "I'm still waiting.."
;)
I obsessively read them and count the number of brides that are younger than me and / or younger than I will be when we get around to getting married.
I also like when they mention how the bride / groom's "previous marriage(s)" ended. Like, I'm sure that EXACTLY what they want to focus on in their wedding announcement is their painful divorce.
My announcement is, like
Laurel and AS were married this
Saturday in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Laurel earns slightly more than minimum wage working for a nonprofit. She graduated from the University of Puget Sound. Her father is actually a pretty important finance guy at a smallish company in Minnesota, but he grew up on a farm and remains irrevocably farm boy-ish. Her mother is a teacher who shops at Talbot's.
AS owns his own business; I think he actually is losing money as CEO of the company. He barely graduated from Ithaca College. His dad does something and his mom mostly raises horses.
All of you are so glamorous. I think this must be an east coast thing because we don't have all that "what do your parents do" crap in ours. I mean, They met while surfing and bonded over a big bowl of weed just doesn't have the same kind of ring to it right?
BAH.
I'm with Aly. My tombstone will read, "she loved her cats"
I didn't do wedding announcements for the paper. Don't they cost money? Heck no, I'd rather buy shoes!
I have never read these announcements, but they sound uber-hardcore. They really put the parents' info in there? Laurel's mom may shop at Talbot's, but mine works and shops there AND buys me things with her discount. Yes, I occasionally shop at Talbot's and I like it.
"Pheoby Buffet, buried alive"
you mock these things, but some of us have to sit down and seriosuly start to think about what to say...
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