The More You Know.

Courtesy of Wired

Life is too short to let indecision or inexperience cut into your drinking. When you belly up to the bar, it's go time.

1. Watch your timing. Friday night when the bar is four people deep is not the moment to admire the flavored vodka selection. This isn't a social call; this is business.

2. Know what you want. Unless you're getting wine, do not ask for recommendations. It exposes you as an amateur. Be ready to order.

3. Start a tab. Have your credit card ready. If you hold everything up digging for your plastic, you can kiss a long pour or free drink good-bye.

4. Never order Long Island iced teas. No Jägermeister shots. Nothing with sex in the name. And never, never anything requiring a food processor. Gauge the patience and biceps strength of your bartender before requesting drinks that involve muddling, such as mojitos.

5. Know your bar. Places with no top-shelf selection are not where you should be ordering Chardonnay. Get a well drink. Places with bartenders in white coats, standing behind arrays of silver cocktail shakers and freshly cut fruit, are good places to order martinis. Or Negronis. Try a Negroni.

6. Alternate rounds. Buy a drink for everyone in your party; graciously accept one for yourself. But don't deploy a round just to pick someone up -- that's cheesy. Unless it works.

7. Get a free drink by tipping well at the start of the evening ($1 per cocktail is the bare minimum). Be friendly with the bartender but not needy. Use references: If you know a regular -- who just happens to be the hottest woman in the room -- say so. Better yet, be the hottest woman in the room...

8. Be yourself. There is nothing wrong with beer, but the same spirit expressed in rules 1 -7 applies: know your preference (draft or bottled) and state it clearly. If you have to ask about a draft selection you've never seen before, do it quickly and clearly, and know what you want. Still need to tip.

9. Cash before cards. If you only use plastic your bartender won't appreciate your generosity till the end of the evening when you sign your bill. Kick off with cash, and lay down the tips upfront. Then switch to a tab, and you'll be pleasantly surprised to find that not all of your drinks show up on the bill.