Where the Playas Play.

Apparently I'm gangsta.

Tomorrow morning I am headed to Hotlanta to meet up with the infamous Ari and Joanna for a wonderful break from Boston. We're all meeting up in Atlanta, where our friend Phil lives (for now) and spending the whole day Saturday doing touristy stuff before getting up early on Sunday morning to drive the Alabama back roads (think Deliverance) towards Florida.

Oh don't worry... I will have my camera out and on the ready. Don't you worry.
I'll be back on Wednesday, so don't miss me too much.
**************************************************************************************
Last night, I called Tim's bar to say goodnight.
The phone rang about 15 times, before someone answered,

"Hello?"
"Um. Can I talk to Tim please?"
"Uh Who?"
"THE MANAGER... DO YOU EVEN WORK THERE???"
"No I don't. Hold on though, I'll try to find him".

Needless to say, he hung up on me.

************************************************************************************

Finally... Good luck to my kickball team!
My trip gets me home just in time to miss our first playoff game.
But I have the utmost confidence in all of them that they will win!
The other captain and I ordered wristbands for our team to wear and they finally came in today.

GO AMISH!

I know, you're all jealous.

See you Wednesday!

"Beverage Warmers" Are Forever

monika: okay so remember last night i said there is a guy who just rented an apt in my building and i think he likes me

me: yea the rich guy?

monika: yea, he just gave me a "beverage warmer"

me: a coozie?

monika: like a little hot plate for a cup

me: weird

why did he do that?

monika: i don't know... bc hes in love with me obvi

me: so youre telling me

this guy has hundreds of thousands of dollars

and he got you a beverage warmer?

monika: um yeah

he did say "its not expensive or anything but i thought you might want it"

me: i think you're more of diamonds girl

monika: yeah def

me: obvi

Lunch or Porn?

If the following conversation does not make you want to be friends with me even more than you already do then there is just no pleasing you people.

DF: i love lunch
Me: i love lamp
DF:Do you really love lamp, Julie, or are you just picking things in the room and saying that you love them?
Me: why do u love lunch
DF: because it's a great meal
DF:there are so many things you can do for it
Me: i agree
Me: i love eating a big lunch
DF: and it's always easily prepared
Me: or bought
DF: right
DF: today i am trying to decide whether i want Velveeta, or soup and bagel bites
Me: man
Me: all of the above
DF: and im eating pita chips and hummus while i think about it
DF: im leaning towards velveeta
Me: now is it velveeta or shaws brand
DF: velveeta. I got it at costco
DF: ok so if you were me, velveeta or soup&bagelbites
DF: i am going to add things to the velveeta
Me: like what
DF: tuna...for protein
Me: i add tuna to mine all the time
Me: its like tuna casserole
DF: ok thank god
DF: most people go "EWWW YOU'RE GROSS"
Me: those people are idiots
DF: because they've never tried it
Me: a wise man introduced that mix to me a few years ago
Me: and im thankful
Me: its so good
DF: was that wise man Tim?
Me: no... Ari
DF: ahh yes
DF: the man behind the man
Me: so you have heard of him....
DF: ok so could we have the judge's decision please?
Me: god lean cuisines for lunch suck
Me: im so effing hungry
DF: lean cuisines are so weak I wish one of those filled me up
Me: yea i think i'm going to go get sushi
Me:me too
DF: sushi is incredible
DF: do you like the hardcore stuff or the regular stuff
DF: 'm talking about sushi, not pornography
Me: i like a lot of sushi
DF: do you like all the fish and eel and octopus and that stuff
Me: well i eat octopus and eel but prepared in italian ways but not sushi
DF: I see
Me: and on the subject of porn..
Me:hardcore is the only porn thats respectable
Me: seriously
Me: i mean
Me: i don't watch it
Me: but if i did
Me: i would watch hardcore
DF: You just can't half-ass it, I hear ya.
Me: like go all the way or go home
DF: I think after eating the pita chips I am leaning towards soup & bagel bites
DF: i might be too full for velveeta & tuna
Me: well... what kind of soup?
DF: chicken noodle and beef barley are my choices
Me:and are the bagel bites pepperoni?
DF: beef barley
Me: done
Me: done
Me: no more discussion
DF: ok so lunch is decided
DF: thank you for your assistance
Me: Hey no problem.

Yeah Tarah, It's Just like that.

Tarah: hey...have you gotten your lease renewal yet/when does that usually happen?

me: i called my landlord in february

but i dunno

i was just nervous and i wanted him to know we were staying

Tarah: hmm. maybe I'll call soon. but it's a management company...so I guess I just call and ask

me: yea... i would do that

Tarah: haha I get nervous too. Like, I think I got mine in may or june last year....but it's like right before you get your period where you know you should get it, there's not much cause you shouldn't (due to lack of sex or abundant measures taken to be safe) but you always get a little nervous right before

me: lol

blog

Tarah: oh jesus

Tarah: oh jesus...your readers are going to think I'm nuts

me: not nuts

funny

me: most of my readers nuts anyway

What did you say about my Mama!

On my desk at work I have a "page-a-day" calendar of Italian phrases.
Every morning when I open my gmail, I write the Italian phrase underneath my status for the day. This started mainly for Ari, because he enjoyed attempting to translate them. But now most of my friends comment on the phrase over g-mail chat.

This morning's phrase is "Ho mancato il mio treno" (I missed my train).

Tarah: what about a 'ho on your train?

me: depends were you on my train this morning

OOOOHHH!!!!

I DISSED YOU!!

Tarah: No, but your mom was!

Ohhhhh snap!

me: oh man

that never gets old

Tarah: I gotta say, I'm happy it doesn't

It's the little things Internet. The little things.

We're Both A little Sick.

I had the following conversation with my friend Jason this morning. I told him that I NEEDED to blog about this, but that I would change names to protect the innocent.

Ooops.
Lurve you!

Jason: did you hear that that sicko from VT sent a package to the news?
Jason: so gross
Jason: he makes me ill
Me: i saw everything
Me: you know
Me: on the today show
Me: i watch everyday to see what Matt Lauer is wearing
Jason:bitch, you stole that from me
Jason: and HELLO
Jason: pictures of him shirtless on the beach are on the net, he is a hottie
Me: duh thats why i said it
Me: EW matt lauer?
Me: i just threw up a bit
Jason: no - mr. six pack and pecs, hello
Jason:guys is wripped
Me: ok you lost me
Me: whos mr six pack
Me: matt lauer?
Jason: YES
Jason: who the hell else would i be talking about?
Me: MATT LAUER!!
Jason:guys is a good looking man. ... he and Brian Williams should get it on
Me: you're sick

Keep on Truckin'

Kate: $100 tip for a garage guy?
Me: yea i know the parking attendant one blew me away
Me:but in NYC if you can afford a monthly spot in a garage every day then you can afford it
Kate: i'd live in my car in the garage
Me: my aunt and uncle have one
Me: they pull up in the car and the guy parks it for them
Me: and when they go to get it he brings it to them
Kate: ok well ic an see tipping that
Me: they also wash and clean it
Kate: see ok
Kate: but when they just stand there and block the door...
Kate: they get nothing
Me: garages are like prime real estate in NYC
Kate: my mom keeps wanting to get me an SUV
Me: does she want to pay your gas and insurance?
Kate: that's what i said
Kate: i told her last time i need gas efficiency
Me:i want a hybrid
Kate: well she's getting me a used
Kate: and hybrids are still pretty new tech
Kate: i really want a diesel
Me:ew why?
Kate: cause they burn cleaner, the engines last longer, and they get way better mileage
Kate: all around more efficient
Me:would you get a trucker hat too?
Kate: not a fucking truck
Kate: like a diesel vw or something
Me: lol
Kate: and ps
Kate: i look awesome in trucker hats
Me: jesus

Happy NCAA Tournament EVE!

It's Wednesday internet! According to my previously laid out schedule, today is the day I talk to Ari and we argue intellectually discuss our brackets.

(Even if you have no idea what we are talking about, read this. It's funny. Especially the end)
(*Update:Okay, I've been told that this isn't funny, so read at your own risk)

me: did you read the pat forde article i sent you?
Ari: not yet
me: its good break down
i mean again its opinion
but it helped me not have a panic attack when looked at the east
Ari: g'town texas yo
me: i have the hoyas and im leaning towards texas
but i dunno
Ari: over UNC? i think durant is god
except when he plays roy hibbert and the hoyas
me: tx over UNC? i dont know!
Ari: its already in my bracket
so its gonna happen
oh shit i gotta pick between florida and maryland
me: i know
FL yo noah is so goood
Ari: yeah thats what i did too
but it hurt
me: i know
FL vs Oregon
and
furthermore
Winthrop will beat ND
Ari: i picked that too!
i picked albany
me: that was stupid
and im not soo sure but GWU will win at least 1 game maybe 2
Ari: georgetown wins it all
beats wisc
in the final
me: no ari
Ari: alando tucker carries his team that far
Ari: but no more
me: what about oden?
osu?
kansas?
Ari: he's ok.
Ari: kansas lost
me: HES OK??
to who?
Ari: to ucla
me: S. Ill?
Ari: haha
me: UCLA!
Ari: maybe next year
me: oh man
i would shake you if you were here
Ari: good thing im' not

me: did you read my post about march madness?
Ari: yeah
i was scheduled for today
me yep
and i so laughed at your final four
Ari: how do you know my final four?
me well i know that you picked UCLA over Kansas
Ari: true
oh i guess you know georgetown, ucla, wisconsin
me: right
Ari: and osu
me: and you HAD to pick OSU
right
bc there is NO WAY Louisville is beating them
Ari: yeah yeah
me: and in my EXPERT opinion
they’re the only other team to watch
Ari: louisville???? they don’t even get past A&M
me: except long beach state
we'll see
Ari: oh we will
me: lol
Ari: yes we will
Ari: i picked niagara
so i'm undefeated so far
me: me too!
yea but i mean that was a slam dunk
Ari: puh-lease
me: Florida A&M didn’t even bring a band to the game last night

Ari: ucla finished the season ranked #3, right behind kansas
me: right but
i dont think they can pull it off
elite eight yes
i have Kansas beating them
Ari: "Youth is no longer an excuse, but NCAA inexperience still may be. The core of this group has yet to win a tournament game. With that fact hanging over their heads, the first round could be the Jayhawks' biggest hurdle. "
me: Who said that
Ari: a little source i have called ESPN
me: but who??
Ari: its not quoted
me: i have been reading ESPN for 4 days now
Ari: its an "insider" blurb on the team's homepage
Kansas lost to TEXAS TECH
they are terrible and then they lost to Oral Roberts
me: everyone has a bad day
shut up
Ari: oh, and DePaul
me: im not listening
Ari: A&M was a tough loss
they're at least a good team
and it was a last second shot
Ari: are we still friends?

Why Tarah and I are Friends.

Please. Before reading the following conversation, go to this website and watch the "We Have Time" Commercial.
I promise you, the rest of this post will make much more sense if you just do what I say.

Tarah:Virgin Radio is playing The Final Countdown by Europe

this really is like, the best statione ver

2:26 PM and they just played Like a Record, Baby

me: whats that damian rice again?

2:27 PM Tarah: hahahaha what?

like who is he? other than my lover?

2:28 PM me: lol was i right?

Tarah: yes, this is the radio station I heard his second song on

me: uh huh

2:29 PM Tarah: but it's friday night night for them

so they're playing "party classics"

me: oh weird

Tarah: why?

they broadcast out of the uk

me: i know

but its weird

2:30 PM bc its light out here

2:31 PM Tarah: hahhaa yeah

that's what bothers me about those jimmy dean commercials

cause the sun doesn't wake up and make breakfast in time to light the eastern seaboard

because it's light other places

me: LOL

2:33 PM Tarah: haha yes, I think about these things

me: well i always though it was weird that the sun was cooking

and had kids

2:34 PM Tarah: that weren't little suns?

2:35 PM

like, if the sun was going to have kids, wouldn't they resemble him at least a little?

you know, fiery orb and all

Is is when we light 4 candles on a wreath? Or Is It when the priests wear purple at Mass?

I can't remember.


Mark: what are your thoughts on lent
Me: um, like in general
Mark: yes
Me: or as raised catholic but no longer practicing
Mark: my sister and i are talking about what to give up for lent
Mark: she's giving up her MS
Me: aw
Mark: and I'm giving up my homosexuality
Mark: and deafness
Mark: so my mother is happy
Me: haha
Mark: well
Mark: we also gave up poverty too
Me: fuck that shit
Me: i think that rather than sacrificing something
Me: i want to do good things
Me: for other people
Mark: oh
Me: i mean
Mark: you had me up until "for other people"
Me: i used to give up homework and being nice to my sister
Mark: haha i want to start doing positive reinforcement
Mark: so instead of "fuck you asshole, you cut me off"
Mark: i'm gonna be like "thank you for letting me out of the parking lot, lady with bad hair"
Mark: but giving up niceness to your sister is great, i should do that

HOLY CRAP! But WOOHOO!

JF: OMG
JF: anna nicole smith is dead
Me: WHAT
Me: WHAT
Me: WHAT
JF: "Anna Nicole Smith is dead, the apparent victim of a drug overdose, multiple sources confirm exclusively to PerezHilton.com. The woman obsessed with Marilyn Monroe has now suffered the same fate as the legendary screen siren".
Me: NO!
Me: way
JF:her friggin son just died
Me: probably of the same damn thing!
JF: yeah druggie!
Me: WOOHOO
Me: finally something to put in my blog!

******************************************************

Anna's Lawyer: "Anna Nicole Smith is Deceased"

Posted Feb 8th 2007 2:55PM by TMZ Staff

Anna Nicole Smith collapsed at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, Florida and is reported to have died shortly after.

According to hotel officials, Smith was "unresponsive" and emergency responders performed CPR at the scene and a breathing apparatus was inserted in her throat. Anna was immediately transported to Memorial Regional Hospital in Hollywood just after 2:00 PM EST.

WFOR-TV in Miami reports that Anna was found unresponsive in her hotel room. Local streets were closed off to rush Smith to the hospital, three miles away. Paramedics were seen pumping her chest as she was taken from the hotel.

Anna had been hospitalized for a week last November with pneumonia. Daughter Dannielynn, subject of an ongoing DNA test battle, was born on September 7. Her son Daniel died of a drug overdose on September 10.

Anna frequented the Hard Rock. Just a month ago, a playful Anna was caught showing off new body art to Hulk Hogan during a boxing match.